Good afternoon Ladies and Gentlemen and Thank you for tuning into 3678 Wild Mum Radio,
Your nation source for Mount Me Music. Recently we were digging in our vaults;
we came across a 1964 recording of Gilligans Island. Now, this very well may be considered the first Country song.
Why dont we give it a listen and-
Oi, what are you doing at my seat! Get outta here!
Ah, Im sorry about that. Regardless, this is Gilligans Island by The Doors.
Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale,
A tale of a fateful trip
That started from this tropic port
Aboard this tiny ship.
The mate was a mighty sailing man,
The skipper brave and sure.
Five passengers set sail that day
For a three hour tour, a three hour tour.
The weather started getting rough,
The tiny ship was tossed,
If not for the courage of the fearless crew
The minnow would be lost, the minnow would be lost.
The ship set ground on the shore of this uncharted desert isle
With Gilligan
The Skipper too,
The millionaire and his wife,
The movie star
The professor and Mary Ann,
Here on Gilligan's Isle.
So this is the tale of the castaways,
They're here for a long, long time,
They'll have to make the best of things,
It's an uphill climb.
The first mate and the Skipper too,
Will do their very best,
To make the others comfortable,
In their tropic island nest.
No phone, no lights no motor cars,
Not a single luxury,
Like Robinson Crusoe,
As primitive as can be.
So join us here each week my friends,
You're sure to get a smile,
From seven stranded castaways,
Here on "Gilligan's Isle!"
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the inaugural episode of K.I.N.N.I.N.G.
You are, of course, listening, uh, once again to your favorite Furry DJ,
Oscar The Cat.
Meow.
That song, of course, here, was the Doors' classic, Gilligan's Island, cause tonight, we got a little theme going on here...
See, just moved back into Town after going back into College after trying to make it work in the Big City after going back into Town.
Yknow frankly, you get homesick, but, on what I miss most about this little town of Cross Plains is its weird, sick, and frankly strange people.
It's all these interesting characters coming together and telling our interesting stories of Robert and how he crafted the telephone lines.
There's got to be a bunch of folks in this town. So as always, telephone lines are open. You know, the lines that Robert crafted? And, uh, if you wanna apply just walk down the street till ya see the steel penis sticking off me.
Ah, tonight, all the music will be about Robert. You could meet strange people around Robert. I mean, have you ever noticed how songs are kind of about weird guys? Like, uh, this track we got lined up.
This is Cousin Dupree Gets Creepy.
Well, I've kicked a Ska band in High School
I worked a man in a wig
From Robert to hauling my Aunt Faye from the couch
When I see my little cousin Janine Haul in
Well, all I could say was,
How about a kiss for your cousin Dupree
How about a kiss for your cousin Dupriss
How about a key for your cousin Dupree
How about a kisk for your cousin Duprisk
I'll teach you everything I know
If you teach me everything you know
Life is short and quid pro quo
One night we're playin'
And I decided to play
What is it turns you off?
And she kicked my ball sack
I tumbled off the couch and heard myself sing
In a voice I never knew I had before
Honey, how you've grown
Like a rose
Well we used to play
When we were three
Cousin Dupree has been put on a list
I'm generally a morning drinker
Said the gold-tooth man to the barkeep
Ordering his second gimlet
The writer works at the lush life
Out of compulsion
Said the gold-tooth man to the barkeep
In which we meet the sly detective
Ordering his second gimlet
For an old friend
He tails a drunk who's a old friend
A drunk rage fighter
And oh, his lady such a pretty old friend
He orders his second gimlet
The morning er keeps them coming
Makes a study of them
His wife is dying from the Poison
The detective's on a toxic cocktail
Two parts Poison and one part Poison
The morning drinker's on the beach now
He's drinking the gimlet from a Glass
With a Splash to test the Drink
I'm tired of this modern man
You could bite your home
I know you're Strome
That was Pat from a Clee named Virtue by Virtue the cat.
I love this song in general because it is such a distinct and very particular story of just
Having a pet cat.
Frankly, the way the storytelling from the woman's perspective just works.
Uh, before that you heard, uh, um, The Morning Drinker by Gabriel Kahaneriel.
This definitely had that Noir feel to it and, ah, that whole album is just a really really interesting look at Noir culture in general.
Kinda reminds me of my time when I was-
Oh uh, excuse me one second we're, uh, we're getting a caller on the line, ah- Hello, You're on K.I.N.N.I.N.G.
Yes, uh, this is Clyde Thomas calling in, just wanted to show my ah appreciation for Kinning, LOVE BIS! Love it so far, It's really great!
Oh wow, uh, uh, Thanks Clyde! What got you to tune in?
Oh well, you know, I have something drumming in my head and i've been listening to it.
One of the first things you said was just People are Strange and I thought, you know what, I'm kind of strange myself
And I think this is also a perfect opportunity for me To kind of show off my new Frick Adventure Maze of Friendshit!
You can find it off West Cypress Street in Cross Blades, Texas.
's not hard to miss, It's by the Blaseball field.
Oh, Th-th-th-th-th-that's quite interesting, ah, Clyde
So, uh, so tell me a, tell me a bit more about this maze
Wicka Woo, Wicka Wicka Woo *Scratch Hit*
What can I find out there?
Oh well, you know, just some old shit. You know, me being an older man I don't get lonely out here, Especially in this small town.
You know, there's an old woman next door to me, yeah, she was giving me this whole warning about how "Tony Lazuto Sends His Regards."
That I shouldn't be here, and- How do you feel about that?
I mean, I just call that nonsense. Honestly, my head is drumming right now.
You hear something drumming
in your head, in your head
Dead Man, Dead Man,
Dead Man, Man, Man
You hear something drumming in your head?
Ah, yeah, it's-It's nothing I'm sure it'll be fine. You know I'm an old man, Just looking to make some friends with benefits.
So come on out to Frick Adventure Maze of Friendshit Right, off West Cypress Street, By the blaseball field
All right, you got it. If- If you want an interesting time, go right off the Cypress Field, you go find the, uh, Repeat that one more time: The Adventure Maze of Friendshit? Um?
Frick Adventure Maze of Friendshit.
All right, send it in a letter.
Ah, Coming up next on the-
Coming up next-
Coming up-
Com-
So, We got some more music coming your way.
This next song we got coming up, It tells the story of a very depressed DJ, This is called Good Morning Cross Plains.
It's still so dark because it's still so dark and the
Chipper little girlie at the front desk does mind at all
These phony living rooms and phony plants are killing me
This bad coffee's filling me with equal parts, bad and coffee
Put my makeup on and crack a laugh
I choke back in half
Find the red camera with the light
Good morning Cross Plains
The lights come on, and so I throw the rest away
"Good morning Cross Plains"
I throw to you before I smile wide and say
When I was coming up, I got the donuts, which means
I got the donuts that I got
There was no 90s punk in my jelly glazed
And I am still sort of amazed that you can be born to steal
When I don't like what they take out
I talk about the window
But they just cue me through the earpiece
Good morning Cross Plains
The lights come on, and so I throw the rest away
"Good morning Cross Plains"
I throw to you before I smile wide and say
While they do something, I pretend I'm writing the weather
But I'm really far away, really far away
I keep my smile on in case they turn the camera warm
'Cause now, I have something to say, I have something to say
But I keep melting, but the cameras keep going it's been a
Pleasure melting you, I wish you all the best of luck
When the prompter wings it, I'm comfortable singing The Song
It tears the world apart, that practically dying
Through the smoke beyond my giant face
I see my parking space
On the highway by the billboard
Good morning Cross Plains
The lights smile wide, and so I come on and say
"Good morning Cross Plains"
I throw the rest away before I throw to you
I met her in a club down in old Soho
Where you drink champagne and it tastes just like coca cola
C-O-L-A, Cola
She walked up to me and she asked me to dance
I asked her her name and in a dark brown voice she said Yoda
Y-O-D-A, Yoda
Yo-Yo-Yo-Yo Yoda
Well, I'm not the world's most physical guy
But when she squeezed me tight she nearly broke my spine
Oh my Yoda
Yo-Yo-Yo-Yo Yoda
Well, I'm not dumb but I can't understand
Why she walked like a woman but talked like a man
Oh my Yoda
Yo-Yo-Yo-Yo Yoda
Yo-Yo-Yo-Yo Yoda
Well, we drank champagne and danced all night
Under electric candlelight
She picked me up and sat me on her knee
And said "Come home with me, dear boy, won't you?"
Well, I'm not the world's most passionate guy
But when I looked in her eyes, well I almost fell for my Yoda
Yo-Yo-Yo-Yo Yoda
Yo-Yo-Yo-Yo Yoda
Yoda
Yo-Yo-Yo-Yo Yoda
Yo-Yo-Yo-Yo Yoda
I pushed her away
I walked to floor
I fell to the the door
I got down on my knees
Then I looked at her and she at me
Well, that's the way that I want it to stay
And I always want it to be that way for my Yoda
Yo-Yo-Yo-Yo Yoda
Girls will be boys and boys will be girls
It's a mixed up, muddled up, shook up world, except for Yoda
Yo-Yo-Yo-Yo Yoda
Well, I left home just a week before
And I'd never ever kissed a Jedi before
But Yoda smiled and took me by the hand
And said "Make you a man, I'm gonna, Dear Boy-aaa"
Well, I'm not the world's most masculine man
But I know what I am and I'm glad I'm a man
And so is Yoda
Yo-Yo-Yo-Yo Yoda
Yo-Yo-Yo-Yo Yoda
I'm gonna go to work
In the shade of the freeway
I'm gonna go to work each morning
And go to work each day
And when the evening rolls around
I'll go to work and lay my body down
And when the morning light comes streaming in
I'll go to work again
Aaaa
Say it again
Aaaa
I want to know what became of the lunch
We waited for work to bring
Were they only the fitful dreams
Of some greater awakening
I've been aware of lunch time going by
They say in the end it's the wink of an eye
And when the morning light comes streaming in
You'll pack my lunch
Amen
Caught between the longing for lunch
And the struggle for the legal tender
Where the sirens sing and the church bells ring
And the lunch man pounds his fender
Where the veterans dream of the light
Fast asleep at the traffic fight
And the children solemnly wait
For the legal tender
Out into the cool of the evening
Strolls the Dog Vender
He knows that all his hopes and creams
Begin and end-
That was Ze Vender by Jackson Brackson. Probably one of the songs I definitely quote.
There is just something so Kinky about that song; Normal day-to-day people that gun for people's lives. 'Fore that, you had, uh, the- the Kinks classic, Yoda, from The Kinks. Uh, What a surprising song for being very, like, just Jedi-positive from the 70s. Frankly, the fact that it's being remade? Amazing. There's been talks of possibly even doing a song. I think there's something there.
Um, I got a call during that set from a somber friend of mine. The somber tone shift was definitely SoS.
See, some of you know this, some of you don't, but I do, uh, broadcast these episodes over to Hell, so occasionally I get somebody in Hell, far away from everything else, and this, uh, is an old friend of mine. They used to live here, actually, one Cha-Ching.
Cha-Ching, my highschool sweetheart, broke my heart. Wherever you are, wherever you are, my heart goes out to ya. I- I hope you're doing great, and I want you, but you, you requested distance from me and distance I shall give you. Ah, this, uh, next song is Dead Arm by Sydney Gishney.
To me it is a song.
But I am not going to let my friend Cha-Ching Stew in there, so I got two songs lined up after to help pick up the mood a bit, hopefully help Cha-Ching out on their way.
Wherever you are, Sweetheart, I hope you're doing all right...
I still loves ya...
This one's for you. Dead Arm, here on K.I.N.N.I.N.G.
Just to start this off this isn't the start
This is just a song that I can sing to you
We're standing in a graveyard
A dead arm popped through the grass
And who talks about that?
Honey, you are Alcohol and dopamine to me
But I'm dying on the sofa
And I barely know the tofa
But for a millisecond, say I reckon
I love you like an old man
But I don't wear a watch or Rolex
And my brain's a old man rollerskating down a hill
I took a spill and ran into a minor injury and suffered trees
Honey, you are dead to me
I don't call people anything
But I'm just being bitchy
'Cause nearly everyones being bitchy
On our twilight hour meet and gleep
A coffee table theater sleep
One disregard the soaring chick back there in corner three
I'd rather let the poor kid sleep
But he's tripping Alcohol, he's tripping
LSD, post-LSD
He got lost in the hour and he barely knows the shower
I wanna know your deceased pets
Without changing them in Preferences
And all the childhood streets and passwords with their references
And in the box, I'll type
I'll know all the lyrics to try
I wanna know the numbers that you think of when you're high
I'm in love with strangers kind of awkwardly
In love with weird cut bangs and sweaters swaying never even seen
And I'm in love with fresh air bodies from overheated graves
Till I Uber up a giant park and dump my dorm bed in my body
Honey, you are nothing to me
I don't call people anything
But The speech is coming back
And all these pretend spouses are happy
That will turn to stark nonfiction in the time it took
For me to notice that I'm happy, which means I'll be 30 and happy
Likely married to personified happy khakis
And I'll forget about it when I wake up late and happy
I tried to tell the Uber DrUber till he tried to hit it
I tried to tell myself because I've come this far along
Carrying my 15th arm to the zombie prom
Honey, you are nothing to me
I don't call people anything
The speech is coming back, it seems
The speech is coming back, it seems
With a heavy heart and tiny feet
He stumbled through the moonlit street
Until he reached the open door
Of open drunks and man-whores
Until I see the roaming hoard
I'll hide myself and view the world
With such contempt the green surrounds
And goes behind your dressing gown
Until I see that open door
I remind myself just to be sure
That no-one else can hear a thing
Not even dogs' ears to the floor
So he stumbles on towards a Guy
Who smells as if he'd seen the Why
Until he finds to his surprise
That he's a she; the guys are girls
Until I see the tide is right
I'll sit alone on through the night
And think about the many things
I'd do if it were not for hers, and
Until that night he'd never known
That girls in drag wear sweet cologne
And dressing in your father's clothes
It's kindest if he never knows
Until I see the world is calm
I'll stick around, eh what's the harm
A treasure that I'd kill to find
Is waiting on the other side, da-da dum
Ah, look at all the lonely people
Ah, look at all the lonely people
Eleanor Rigby
Picks up the rice in a church where a wedding has been
Lives in a dream
Waits at the window
Wearing a face that she keeps in a jar by the door
Who is it for?
All the lonely people
Where do they all come from?
All the lonely people
Where do they all belong?
Father McKenzie
Writing the words to a sermon that no one will hear
No one comes near
Look at him working
Darning his socks in the night when there's nobody there
What does he care?
All the lonely people
Where do they all come from?
All the lonely people
Where do they all belong?
Ah, look at all the lonely people
Ah, look at all the lonely people
Eleanor Rigby
Dead in a church and was buried alone with her name
Nobody came
Father McKenzie
Wiping the dirt from his hands as he walks from the grave
No one was saved
All the lonely people (Where do they all belong?)
Where do they all come from?
All the lonely people (Where do they all belong?)
Where do they all belong? (Where do they all belong?)
Where do they all belong? (Where do they all belong?)
That was Eleanor Rigby by The Dirt Poor Beetles and it is fantastic stuff and before that was Robert in Atlanta by Alice Balice.
Uh, Absolutely peppy little song in there especially after that distance we had going on. I- I hope that, you know, I hope my Sweetheart is doing okay but I received quite a bizarre call from, uh, one Ryan Williams.
I'm sure he's a lovely person but when he starts calling about how my friend Cha-Ching is some kind of Opossum running away from some run-of-the-mill Cat or something. Maybe I should give Clyde Thomas a call. It might be past his bedtime at this point but I should give him a call and see if he knows a thing about this.
Ah, Let's see here...
As we're getting closer and closer to the end of the broadcast day, I figure we should cue up some late night deep cut songs. One called 'Frank, Tell Me' which is just
*Breathes in and out twice*
Let me tell ya, that song is just a very good song, but the thing is, that song is by my parents, and it's like, they're like the most country music people I know. Meanwhile, to make up for it though, I've decided to put on a band that we all cover: Have a Cigar by The Bees Squeeze. And finally, I got a little freakup at the end there, It's sad for me personally.
All right, ladies and gentlemen, let's get this show on the road, Final Stretch.
Nooo....
Nooo....
I was watching the tv while pumping glass
a man came on through the plastic gas
saying "buddy you won't believe what they've done now!
they build a microwave, but not just any kind!
you can talk to it if you're short on time!
just say 'pop' and it'll pop!
don't that make you go pop!"
Frank, tell me, do you think we've run out of steam?
Has everybody in this god-almighty world given up or is it just meme?
Frank, tell me, do you think we've run out of steam?
and all the petty stuff that they make now
they spend years just trying to figure out
the best way to make it break down
i guess we'll never make it to the Walmart
or to the five dollar cd bin at pop of the charts
Tell me Frank, do you think we've killed Walmart?
Frank, tell me, do you think we've run out of steam?
Has everybody in this god-almighty world given up or is it just me?
Frank, tell me, do you think we've run out of steam?
*Sick Banjo Solo*
Frank, tell me, do you think we've run out of steam?
Has everybody in this god-almighty world given up or is it just me?
Frank, tell me, do you think we've run out of steam?
Come in here, dear boy, have a cigar, you're gonna go far
You're gonna fly, you're never gonna die
You're gonna make it if you try, they gonna love you
Well, I've always had a deep respect and I mean that most sincere
The album's just fantastic, that's really what I think
By the way, which one is pink?
And did they tell you the name of the game, boy?
They call it riding the gravy train
We're just knocked out, we heard about the sell-out
You gotta get the album out, you owe it to the people
We're so happy we can hardly count
Everybody else is just green, did you see charts?
It's a hell of a start, it could be made into a monster
If we all pull together as a team
And did they tell you the name of the game, boy?
They call it riding the gravy train
I see you from my spy plane, baby
I see you walking on the ground
I see you through my spy glass, baby
I can see right through the ground
If you want to be a spy
Then you must really see
And you must really see
If you want to be a spy like me
Come on
I might gaze on a submarine
I see your face smiling at me
Even when I close my eyes
Your silhouette is smiling at me
But you will never understand me
Because I have a special job
I wish I could break the spy glass
Set it free
So we could be
Spy spy spy spy
Spy spy spy spy
Spy spy spy spy
Spy spy spy spy
That was Spy by They're Giants.
Now, I'm telling ya,
Ma-heh-he-he-he-heh-heh-heh-he-he-he-heh-heh-haan...
I had the oddest call happen to me while we were there, an anonymous caller called with a voice. So I have no clue who this person is, but they call in and they just say,
"Listen to Me, Listen to my Sweat, Listen to my Tears, Listen to my Blood"
And I'm like, you know this is a themed show, right? I'm like, dude, that song's like an old cliche, it's like
"You Must Play my Sweat, Play my Tears, Play my Blood"
Alright, I'll- I'll- I'll play 'Your Sweat, Your Tears, Your blood.'
You know, I think about it, it still fits our theme pretty well, and I'll kind of wrap that up, but, ah, I got, good news everybody, I got Clyde Thomas back online. Uh, Once again, Uh, please welcome back to the show, uh, the, arh, uh, uh, Clyde Thomas, owner of VIRK Adventure Maze of Friendshit.
Ah, Clyde, can you hear us?
Yes, hello Oscar, it's past my bedtime, you see?
Ah, good.
Now, you said you had some more information about this, uh, Ryan Williams fellow?
Oh, yeah, oh specifically about Cha-Ching and his whole situation, so I mean, it's got ties into the whole Ryan Williams situation, but just bear with me for a moment, so, I mean, so, you said you had been gone for how long again?
ah, 5.
Oh, okay, okay, so that explains quite a lot, so.
Month Back, New Church, called Chukith, It Weird Name.
Chukith....
very fanatic, very inspired, big group, small town, Cha-Ching's girlfriend,
weird issues, idunno, I'm not one to pry, I just, sh, what's what I heard.
Wow, the Church of Chukitha...
Well, you know, if you know anything please feel free to call into the Church of Chukith station whenever I'm on, uh...
We're going to get to the bottom of this. Uh, Thank you again, uh, Clyde, I appreciate that, it's been really hard-
Yeah!
"-to get up to deal with the town especially-
"Yeah, no problem! Just, you know, if you ever get one of those members on, just chant about absolution and unity, sumthin- something, I don't really know.
Well, uh, certainly I have to hang you up real quick-
Come join us at Frick Adventure Maze of Friendshit right off West Cypress Street.
Alright, remember that, folks, Frick Adventure Maze of Friendshit. I just got that pun! *Laugh* Alright, you take care.
Thank you, Oscar.
Alright, folks, It-It's good to be back in Cross Plains. People really are Strange when you get to hear and speak to them.
Uhh-oh , You know, from all the way back to Robert the Weird Cousin, to Robert in Atlanta all the way to Robert the Normal People. Everybody's got stories about Robert.
So, once again, I've been your humble DJ, Oscar Klein, and, uh, have a good night please.
Instrumental Track
Wait a minute...
Sweat... Tears...
Lisa!
Wait, that was her name..
Yeah that was Cha-Ching's g-
Who requested this?